Rejection Sensitivity: Why it Hurts So Much and How to Cope
Most of us know what it feels like to be left out, criticised, or dismissed. But for some, the sting of rejection goes far beyond a passing discomfort. It can feel like an emotional punch to the chest, bringing shame, self-doubt, and the urge to retreat. This is what many people describe as rejection sensitivity — or, in the ADHD and neurodivergent community, rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD).
What is rejection sensitivity?
Rejection sensitivity isn’t currently listed as a formal diagnosis, but it’s a well-recognised experience in mental health research and practice. It describes a heightened sensitivity to both real and perceived rejection. In simple terms, the brain reacts to rejection — or even the thought of rejection — as if it’s a genuine threat to safety and belonging.
This often shows up as:
Intense emotional pain after criticism, even when it’s gentle or constructive
Fear of being judged, excluded, or abandoned
People-pleasing or avoiding opportunities to protect yourself from rejection
Sudden mood drops or shame spirals that feel out of proportion to the situation
If you live with ADHD or autism, you might find this especially familiar. Research and lived experience show that rejection sensitivity is common among neurodivergent people. But it can also develop from early experiences of invalidation, bullying, or trauma.
Why it feels so intense
When rejection hits, it isn’t “just in your head.” The body often reacts too: racing heartbeat, tears, stomach knots, or feeling shut down. That’s your nervous system sounding the alarm. Our brains are wired for connection, and when belonging feels threatened, it can feel like survival is at stake. It can be very scary to experience this.
Coping with rejection sensitivity
The good news is that while rejection sensitivity can’t be “switched off,” it can be managed. With the right tools and support, it’s possible to reduce the overwhelm and build resilience.
Here are some approaches backed by research and clinical practice:
Self-awareness and naming it
The first step is recognising what’s happening. Naming rejection sensitivity for what it is can reduce the spiral of self-blame. Journaling or tracking triggers can help you spot patterns.
Soften your inner critic
Approaches like Compassion-Focused Therapy and elements of CBT help shift harsh self-talk into kinder, more balanced thinking. Ask yourself: “Would I speak to a friend the way I speak to myself right now?”
Calm your body
Because rejection is felt in the nervous system, grounding practices matter. Breathing techniques, mindfulness, or simple somatic tools like pressing your feet into the floor can ease the intensity of the moment.
Work on secure connections
Safe, validating relationships are healing. Therapy can be one of those spaces, but trusted friendships and family bonds matter too. Bit by bit, positive experiences of being accepted rewire how we expect others to respond.
Communicate and clarify
If you often assume the worst, try pausing before reacting. Asking clarifying questions like, “Did you mean…?” can prevent misunderstandings and stop rejection spirals before they take hold.
Consider professional support
For some people, especially those with ADHD, medication that supports emotional regulation can help reduce the intensity of rejection sensitivity. This is something to discuss with your GP or psychiatrist.
Living with rejection sensitivity
Rejection sensitivity can feel like a heavy shadow over relationships, work, and self-esteem. But it doesn’t have to define your life. With self-compassion, therapy, and the right coping strategies, it’s possible to soften its grip. Over time, many people find they move from avoidance and fear toward greater confidence, connection, and inner steadiness.
If this resonates with you and you’d like support, therapy can be a safe place to explore rejection sensitivity and learn strategies tailored to your needs. You don’t have to carry this alone.
If this resonates with you, you are welcome to enquire about counselling support. You can get in touch through the contact form on my website or by email at soul.healing@icloud.com.
