For the Ones Who Don’t Fit the Prom Picture. A message from a mum and a counsellor’s heart
It’s prom season again. The dresses are glittering in shop windows, suit fittings are underway, and social media is soon to be flooded with group photos and sparkling smiles. For many young people, this is a time of celebration. But not for all.
As a mother—and as a counsellor who has sat with countless teens and young adults—I know the undercurrent that flows beneath all this glitter. For every excited post about hair and makeup, there’s a young person quietly wondering, “Do I belong here?” or “What if I just can’t do it?”
Some young people don’t feel at home in loud rooms, under strobe lights, in heels or bow ties, in social rules that don’t make sense. Some are neurodivergent and overwhelmed by the noise and pressure. Some are carrying anxiety, sensory sensitivities, trauma, or just a quiet preference for deep conversations and small spaces. Others feel like outsiders because of the way they look, how they identify, or because their friend group has shifted and they no longer know where they stand.
Prom can stir up grief, rejection, fear, and deep longing. For some, it’s not a party—it’s a spotlight on everything that feels wrong or not enough.
And if that’s your child—or you reading this—I want you to know: you are not alone.
There’s nothing wrong with you if you’d rather stay home than walk into a crowded hall. There’s nothing broken if you feel left out, even if you don’t understand why. There’s no failure in not wanting what others seem to want. And there’s no shame in choosing differently.
As a mum, I’ve watched my own daughter navigate her sense of belonging in a world that often values sameness. I’ve seen her brave enough to speak up about what feels safe and what doesn’t. That courage humbles me. As a counsellor, I’ve held the space for teens who whisper that they don’t want to go but feel like they should. I’ve helped them untangle what’s true for them, not what’s expected.
If you’re a young person reading this, or a parent supporting one:
Here’s what I want you to remember:
You don’t have to prove your worth in sequins or a rented tux.
Belonging isn’t built in one night—it’s built over time, in spaces where you feel seen and safe.
Your differences are not disadvantages. They are the parts of you that the world needs most.
You have a right to make choices that honour your nervous system, your boundaries, and your truth.
And if prom is something you want to try but you’re scared—there are ways to soften the edges. You can leave early. Take breaks. Go with one trusted friend. Have a plan. Or create your own version: a dinner with people who love you, a quiet beach walk, a backyard gathering where no one has to pretend.
To the young person who feels like an outsider:
There is a place for you in this world. It may not always be found in the mainstream moments, but it does exist. Sometimes, not going with the crowd is the bravest thing you can do.
And to the parents who are heartbroken watching their child sit this one out:
You haven’t failed. You’re raising a young person who’s learning to know themselves. And that’s a quiet kind of success.
To the parents who hold space for these tender truths, who listen without pressure, who say “I see you” even when the world doesn’t—you are doing the most important kind of loving.
There are so many ways to be human.
And prom is just one evening.
Who you are lasts a lifetime.
With care,
Alicja
Mother. Counsellor. Witness to all the ones who dance to a different beat.
