When Summer Isn’t So Sunny: On the Pressure to Feel Good
Summer has arrived — and with it comes the usual wave of expectations. We’re told it’s a time to recharge, unwind, make memories, enjoy the sunshine, “live our best life.”
But in my counselling room, I hear another side. And maybe this will resonate with you too.
The truth is, summer can feel heavy. While the outside world is posting sun-drenched photos and stories of holidays and family adventures, many people are simply trying to hold it together. Some feel flat, others overwhelmed. Some feel like they’re the only ones not managing to relax or enjoy life the way they’re ‘supposed’ to.
If that’s you — you’re not alone. I promise.
The pressure to feel good
When the world tells us we should be happy, it can make unhappiness feel like failure. Clients often tell me, “I should be enjoying this,” “I feel guilty for not making the most of the time,” or “Everyone else seems fine — what’s wrong with me?”
There’s nothing wrong with you. There’s something very human about finding change hard, even when it’s meant to be a ‘good’ change.
The quiet struggle of staying behind
Here in Jersey, there’s a very real experience that many of us share — watching others jet off while we stay behind. Not everyone can afford to go away. And for families or individuals on tight budgets, the summer can bring a quiet grief — the kind that’s hard to name, but sits in your chest when you scroll through pictures of someone else’s ‘perfect’ escape.
It can feel isolating when you want to make the most of the break, but your options are limited. And while Jersey is beautiful, it can feel very small when you’re lonely, stuck indoors, or watching others live lives that feel far out of reach.
The loss of structure
And then there’s the change in routine — which, honestly, many people underestimate. When school ends, when work slows down, when our days lose their regular rhythm, it can really throw us off.
For children and teens — especially those who are neurodivergent, anxious, or sensitive — the loss of structure can be deeply unsettling. Parents often come to me saying their child is acting out, sleeping badly, or withdrawing. But what’s often underneath that is confusion, overstimulation, and a nervous system searching for something predictable to hold onto.
And adults feel it too — especially those who thrive on routine. Without it, you might feel unmotivated, dysregulated, or like you’re drifting. It’s not laziness. It’s your system looking for something solid in the absence of the usual anchors.
So what can therapy offer during this season?
In my sessions this time of year, we often don’t talk about big breakthroughs or transformations. We talk about:
Being honest about what this season really feels like
Creating soft structure that doesn’t overwhelm but gently holds
Letting go of comparison and tuning into your real needs, not imagined ones
Holding space for grief, frustration, loneliness, or resentment — without shame
Finding your own rhythm — even if it looks completely different to everyone else’s
Sometimes we unpack the past — because long holidays can bring up childhood wounds or family dynamics that are still quietly impacting us now.
And sometimes, we just sit with whatever’s real, without rushing to fix it.
You’re not behind. You’re not broken. You’re just human.
If you’re finding summer hard, please know this: your struggle is valid. You don’t have to pretend it’s all sunshine and joy. Life continues, emotions continue, and therapy can be a place where that’s allowed.
At Soul Healing Counselling, I offer a space where you don’t have to wear a summer smile. Just bring yourself — exactly as you are.
With warmth,
Alicja
